Composite blog consisting of notes, reflections, weird jokes, trip reports and amusing stories from the death row; some personal, some told and some fabricated, I have to reckon!

BEWARE!! This is neither a porno nor a politically correct site... more probably is a highly misanthropic and overtly cynical terminal account

Ridendo castigat mores, that I freely translate as ”humor improves behavior” , not that I believe, but it sounds nice!

10
Oct
2022
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“ALTE SACHEN”: OVERVIEW, QUESTIONS AND more QUESTIONS, PART TWO

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6 September 2022

To go back to the story of my rudimentary efforts to overcome the home return shock I have to share (let’s hope succinctly) the results of readings about some

scientifically-curious occurrences I generally dig either in magazines for dummies or in the specific sections of posh newspapers for the intelligentsia, which means those people who fight the wars of democracy, have politically correct behavior, defend minorities’ extra rights, impose mandatory equality and practice affirmative discrimination. It is a very narrow elite. That is me!  The rest of the nation (whatever that may be) is grazing their fodder from tabloids indulging in scandals, lurid sex, sport news, net worth, violent outbursts, misinformation, and natural catastrophes. My choice fell, of course, in the scientific section of the posh German magazine Der Spiegel, ie Spiegel Wissenschaft. The sequence of bad news there was so overwhelming that I wouldn’t advise the last of my friends, I do not care about enemies, to undertake such a ride through the poisoned moor of planet-scale dark predicaments and ferocious threats. The stark and cold so to say report of Kerstin Kullman (what a name?) Ewige Sommer (Permanent Summer) on general warming convinced me that the jocular label of APOCALYPSE NOW became more tangible and real than anything else. It came out from Kullman’s funerary article that anyone will soon have great chances to disappear in a Saharan kind of draught, through an infernal heat wave,  by murderous fire, and funny enough, submerged by violent floods.   In other words, free hell on earth is available.

 

 

There was no more time to ponder and I immediately called THE PRINCIPAL.

─You again, rung a gruff howl at the other end of the line.

(Look at him, I put the video on! he is dressed culturally, Ganesha style, ha! ha! We are at the time of disguise!  Or he wants to take over India? Gods are such expansionists...)

─What do you want?

─Lord, please stop. After that, you hit us with the plague, which I took as an educative hygienic move, the climate deterioration that you are fostering now is pointing toward the imminent destruction of mankind.

─Maybe the time is ripe for it- grumbled the All Mighty and for sure it is not me who provoked what seems to be a terminal act.

─And who did? I retorqued pissed off by so many double standards!

─YOU DID, he roared!

─Lord icebergs are melting, big pieces of land are sliding, the permafrost is thawing, Siberian towns will land in hell, the arctic cap has become a soup, rivers are submerging Pakistan, the Ocean is flooding the nice and attractive Polynesian islands, while the earth’s crust is thousand times hotter than a Shabbat plate.  You have to help us as you helped mankind during the glacial festivals! Please, Lord!

─First, back then it wasn’t their fault. Second, they weren’t multiplying like rats, and third, for sure they were not publishing insulting blasphemous books as the one belched by the little Jerusalemite funny-man, you know the HOMO DEUS of sorts.

Then I burst into tears and rolled myself in dust quite convinced that it would help. Of course, it did…

─ENOUGH! he roared and his voice had the brazen clang that transformed the walls of Jericho, O.K., O.K, in marmalade. I cannot retract myself or change a launched process even if I would be the Wet Nurse that you dare to think I am and that of course, I am not. Man, up man! The only thing that I can do is to suggest and even reveal alternative ways to continue the storyline.  Thanks to staunch believers and some regular plain fellows, mankind made giant progress in genetic engineering. At this moment of existential threat, the time is ripe to cease playing meaningless academic games in useless laboratories spread on the face of the earth. The path to survival goes through a radical change of shape and location.

 

Once during the seven days, while I was working my butt off to create life on this backwater grain of dust, I made a couple of odd beings to have some fun and to relax and I endowed them with astonishing qualities. As you probably heard, the AXOLOTL and the NAKED MOLE RAT generated general admiration and awe then and now. The first is a Mexican native amphibian that lives mostly within the high plateaus’ cold lakes. It has the astonishing capacity to regenerate limbs, eyes, internal organs, the spine, and a good chunk of the brain.  It could be the world’s uppermost self-therapist. The second is a very bald and cute underground rodent living in some dry spots of East Africa, enjoying a very long life by being quite immune to an infection of any kind, and extremely resistant to cancerogenic cells and substance attacks. I don’t hide that I am quite proud of my whimsical creations. 

Suddenly it became very uneasy to hear the Lord’s rambling, my eyeballs began to jolt in their holes, my jaw hung ungraciously and an unpleasant-smelling sweat began to drip from my armpits.  Was the mighty creator of the universe and life going BANANA? He didn’t seem to notice my anxiety and continued:

─By genetic engineering, within a hundred years,  modified human embryos will be prepared to be inserted in a better-protected body to live in a much-safer medium than to lamentably roast at the surface of the earth. Also, we may have a fine-quality sexual dimorphism premium by inserting the male embryo into the axolotl envelope and the young female embryo in the naked mole rat’s outer shell. Do you follow? All this, added Lord genially, should be done at the stage of the BLASTULA…I guess. 

─But why for God’s sake I shouted whining, crying, and coughing for real why should the female embryo go into the naked mole rat pod which is the epitome of ugliness?

─You are missing the principal,  sneered the Principal.  And try not to be a hypocrite! There is common knowledge that modern women have a penchant for exhibiting NUDITY as the gorgeous image of Megan Fox suggests..

It was more than I could take, scared to death I woke up..It was a nightmare of course…I have been plagued by many during the last few years because of my fragmented sleep. My air conditioner collapsed during the night..I bought a new one today and calmed down….we are not going to get broiled ALL OF US!

Notwithstanding the poor condition of my hips that protest every time I push or pull them in a tense situation, like crossing my legs, I must go into meditation to redeem myself. I did. Many strange things occurred in a row. But let’s offer some general data before.

 

 

 

 

1 Response

  1. Judith

    hi
    I enjoyed reading every word
    Unfortunately, I can’t c the videos ..”.poor me ”
    but I will try again
    thanks

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